Separation Anxiety in Moms and Children

Do you feel nervous when you have to leave your baby or toddler with someone other than yourself to go shopping? Are you always thinking the worst the moment you leave the house without your kids? It’s completely okay, I promise. Many parents, mostly moms begin to have separation anxiety, especially with their first child. It’s completely normal and don’t let anyone make you feel any less because of it. As a mom, you will always worry because that’s motherhood but during the first few years of it, you do tend to experience more separation anxiety.

My first year of motherhood I had total separation anxiety. Not because I didn’t trust anyone, I just thought nobody will take care of my child better than me. That’s just how you feel as a mom because you carried your baby inside you for so long. Or what if something happened to my child while I wasn’t there. These thoughts just kept going and you’d have that guilt trip if something did happen. As a new mom I also exclusively nursed my first child which made it even harder. She wanted nothing to do with formula or the bottle. It was a challenging 14 months, but I got through it and I promise anyone that is in a similar situation, you will get passed it too.

Along with moms, children get separation anxiety even more so. It is a very normal part of motherhood and childhood development. It can be a bit overwhelming but just remember there are ways to cope with it. The first thing to do is to understand the meaning of it. What is separation anxiety? It is when a baby, toddler, child, or adult has fear of being separated from a particular person or persons. Some examples of separation anxiety can be: a child throwing a fit when a parent leaves the house; a fear that something bad will happen during the separation; a child following a parent around the house constantly; a need to know where the parent is by calling or texting; tantrums when being separated; a child not wanting to go on playdates or school. These are just a few examples. Some can even be moms feeling these very similar situations.

Below are some ways that can help moms and children cope with separation anxiety:

1. Start out gradually– Begin your separation gradually by separating with your child for a shorter period of time. The first day, leave your child with your husband for 15 minutes while you go for a walk or a short drive. The next time make it longer. Each time, make it 5-10 minutes longer. This helps your child and even yourself, cope with the idea of separation in small steps.
2. Have a goodbye routine– Give your child a hug and kiss when you are saying goodbye but make it quick and easy. It helps your child understand that you are saying goodbye and you will be back. This gives them the security that you will be back because it has become a routine. It’s much better than sneaking out because they usually begin to panic if they don’t find you. As a mom, you also feel bad afterwards when sneaking out.
3. Be consistent– When starting out gradually, be consistent with it. Do the same routine when saying goodbye. Like adults, children especially love a routine. It helps build trust and independence.
4. Follow through on your promises – Make sure you return at the time you promised your child. The trust will help them build confidence in knowing you are honest with them and that you will be back.
5. Show love and attention– When you show love and attention, your child feels more secure of you coming back. Give them big hugs and kisses to show you love them.
6. Give a comforting object– Kids love anything comforting such as a blankie, a stuffed animal, a toy, and even their favorite bottle or sippy cup. Whatever it is, make sure they have it even if they are home or going elsewhere. It gives them a sense of security knowing they have something familiar.
7. Create a calm environment– When you leave all frazzled and stressed, children can sense every ounce of anxiety you have. Try to be as calm as possible because it helps ease your child’s stress as well. They pick up on everything. Leave with a smile and in a calm manner.
8. Make a Family Book– Make a small little album of your family in plastic photo album. The person watching your child can have them show the pictures and name everyone in the album. They feel a sense of pride when they get to do that.
9. Distraction– Most times if the child is distracted they tend to forget about what they are upset about. For example, distract them with their favorite character from a show or tell them a story. In the story, use them as one of the characters playing with their favorite people at a park. Young children love story telling.
10. Read children books – Read children books that will help ease your child’s separation anxiety. Below is a link of a website that provides a few books that can help calm your child’s anxiety: https://www.mother.ly/amp/12-picture-books-to-help-calm-an-anxious-child-2559501588
    
    I hope this post was helpful in some way. If you are experiencing any separation anxiety, you are not alone. Always remember that other moms are right there with you experiencing the same exact thing. Don’t hesitate to contact me for any questions, I’m always here.